We often think of anger as being a “negative” emotion. Something to be managed, controlled and ultimately, reduced to the point it is no longer felt.

As a psychologist and a human being, this has never really sat right with me. Anger, is also a motivating emotion. It alerts us to ways we or those we care about are being hurt. It highlights injustice and abuse and it can drive us to take wise action to alleviate our suffering, or the suffering of those we care about.

At the same time, I am also aware of the destructive potential of anger to perpetuate suffering and harm for ourselves and those around us. When I came across David Whyte's refections on anger in his book, "Consolations: The Solace, Nourishment and Underlying Meaning of Everyday Words," it resonated deeply. I have shared it with many patients, whether survivors or abuse or people who are navigating their own narcissism (and note, these are not separate groups of people).

By understanding and tending to the vulnerability and rawness beneath our anger, we might both tend to ourselves deeply AND take strong action to alleviate suffering and keep ourselves safe.